divorce settlement
Reviewing The Impact Of Infidelity
Sunday, June 28th, 2009 | Relationships | No Comments
Separation and divorce due to infidelity is one of the top reasons why people seek out a family lawyer. The other spouse cheated and it has wrecked the marriage. But it does more than just violate wedding vows. It can completely shake the bedrock of trust. The betrayed party will always wonder what it was that the other spouse was missing from their marriage. It can make an already difficult situation even worse. It is hard to get over and move past. Divorce attorneys see cheating as the number one reason why two people want to be rid of their marriage ties.
Infidelity in a marriage can be physical or it can be emotional. Many people would think that simply being emotionally involved with another person other than their spouse is not such a big thing. After all, it is not like there is physical or sexual contact involved. Right? But the reality is that it does hurt just as much and can destroy a marriage just as fast. It is a difficult thing to deal with. Cheating in any way is a good way to wind up with a separation and divorce.
Divorce court is not a great place to have to air dirty laundry about infidelities. Most judges do not look favorably on a cheating spouse. In some states it is grounds enough to be granted alimony. There are very few cases of uncontested divorces where a partner has been cheating. Most are very bitter affairs that often require the services of a divorce mediation professional in order to come to a peaceful agreement.
If your partner has cheated on you but you are not quite ready to call it quits, then you can still find marriage help. It will take a lot of work to get the marriage back on track but it can happen. It requires counseling to uncover the reasons why one spouse strayed from the marriage bed. There will be a lot of hurt feelings that have to be overcome and it is entirely possible that you can never let the incident(s) go and that divorce will happen regardless of your efforts to save the marriage.
The devastation of infidelity is almost instantaneous. Thoughts of self worth begin to weigh heavily because you want to know what it is about yourself that drove your husband/wife into the arms of another person. Can the marriage be saved? Perhaps, but many times divorce attorneys become involved because the infidelities are just too great to overcome. Once a partner cheats and the trust has been violated, things are never the same way again.
Managing Yourself In Divorce Court
Sunday, March 8th, 2009 | Relationships | No Comments
Your actions in divorce court can have a tremendous outcome on your divorce settlement. Judges will look at all the evidence presented to them by both attorneys before deciding a case, but actions can speak louder than the written word. If you fail to conduct yourself in an orderly manner, you could loose some of the concessions regarding property division or custody and visitation rights for your children.
Before entering divorce court, it is vitally important that your lawyer and you work out as many details and issues as possible with your spouse’s lawyer. This is usually performed in what is called an early settlement panel, or divorce mediation. This panel takes place in a court house and is attended by your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you and both attorneys. Family law attorneys listen to both sides of the divorce settlement while both counselors go over property divisions, any marital debt that has accumulated and any other issues that comprise the marital settlement agreement. This process can be extremely helpful because it allows many of the issues to be settled between the couople before a judge even hears the case. In some instances, such as in divorce mediations, issues can be resolved and agreed upon without ever having to go to divorce court.
We have all seen cases on television or in the movies where couples are brought into divorce court, and in the end the “good spouse” wins. In reality, this is not so much the case. A judge has the free will to make his or her own decisions about a case, and that decision may not always be in favor of you. When proceeding with a divorce settlement, it is important to remember this fact because it will help you retain a cool demeanor in front of the judge if something is decided against you. The most difficult time to do this, of course, is when children are involved. What a judge decides regarding child custody and visitation rights will rest on the evidence your lawyer presents and the custody laws governing your state. But often a judge makes his or her decision about joint physical custody based on their personal instincts. So it is important to enter a courtroom with an open mind and a clear outlook on how things could turn out in the end.
Once you enter the divorce court and are seated in front of a judge, it is important to follow the lead of your attorney. There may be instances where you must speak to the judge about particular information. If this occurs, always address the judge as “your honor” and thank him or her for allowing you the opportunity to speak. If there is no need for you to articulate in court, then allow your lawyer to do the talking. Never make the mistake of addressing your spouse in court, especially in front of the judge, with a negative remark. This will only hurt your case, anger the judge, and possibly impair your settlement. Being as prepared as possible is necessary for your lawyer, but it is also important for you too. Take notes during the proceedings because your family law attorney may not have a chance to jot down information if he or she is speaking to the judge. Finally, never bring children to the courtroom with you. This is especially important to remember if there either spouse is seeking custody or if you both want joint physical custody of the child. Divorces are difficult enough for children, and making them witness a fight between their parents could bring unnecessary stress upon them.
Etiquette is important in every aspect of our lives, especially when a divorce court is involved. It does not matter how much property division is at stake between you and your spouse. Acting in an irrational manner in front of the judge will only make the proceedings last longer than necessary while forcing the court to decide in unfavorable ways. Divorce proceedings are a difficult time in anyone’s life, and poor court etiquette will only make matters worse for both parties involved.
Adjusting After Divorce
Thursday, February 5th, 2009 | Relationships | No Comments
After divorce, many individuals find themselves dealing with insecurities about themselves and their ability to stay in a stable relationship. When children are involved, a divorce can require child custody and visitation rights. Seeing a child go through the rigors of choosing one parent over the other adds to the despair and helplessness a newly divorced parent feels. Yet, divorce does not mean the end of life itself, and many individuals can move on and make a new life for themselves, and for their children.
After divorce, it can be hard for anyone to think about beginning a romantic relationship. Ending a marriage can leave a person feeling somewhat vulnerable and inadequate. It can also be extremely difficult for you to suddenly switch from loving another person to feeling either hatred or indifference towards them. How an individual copes with life after divorce can also depend on what role the divorced person played in the situation. When you leave a spouse, you may feel a sense of control over the situation because the decision was yours. But when you are left by a spouse, feelings of desertion or betrayal can arise. To help overcome these emotions, it is suggested to take time for yourself and focus on things that make you happy. This may require you to think back to the marriage and see what your role was in the relationship. Did you feel like the marriage was missing something important? Did you often give more emotionally than you received from your spouse? By stepping back and taking time for yourself, you allow emotional wounds to heal before starting any future relationships. Finding out what makes you happy and what your emotional needs are will help you make better decisions about who you choose to date.
Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions. Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them.
Explain that holiday traditions don’t have to change, but will only be different because both parents won’t be present. Listening to your child’s fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.
After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings. One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility. Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender.
Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse’s health insurance plan for as long as three years. This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent’s coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.
Property settlements, custody lawyers and feelings of desertion can make life after divorce extremely difficult. It is important to overcome the vulnerability and desire to isolate yourself from the rest of the world after your divorce is final. Giving into these types of negative behaviors will only worsen you chances of finding happiness again. Instead, focus on your own needs, and the needs of your children when coping with a divorce. Only then will you be able to look at life differently and find ways to make positive changes.
Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play
Saturday, October 25th, 2008 | Relationships | No Comments
There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you sit home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.
When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you just couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships change and people’s interests vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.
Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.
Easy Solutions to the Problem
It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage strong and healthy means you must act like an item and not two people just living under the same roof.
If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you should talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.
Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In that case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.
There are many things you can do together that help to strengthen relationships and don’t require major life changes.
- Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month
- Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block
- Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event
- Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre
- Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival
Controlling the Circumstances
The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally wish to ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.
Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can start by talking about your own feelings in a non-confrontational manner. In doing so there will be a chance to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.
Because if you don’t make the effort it will end up in divorce